NEWPORT NEWS, Va. (WAVY) — The founder of the nonprofit Aaya Casa, which connects domestic violence survivors with resources, is best known as a successful event planner in Newport News, but when she was a young military wife in an abusive relationship, her life was much different.

“I was controlled,” said Aaya Casa founder Ella House. “I didn’t have access to funds. Even though I worked eight hours a day in the government, he still handed me $20.”

The financial abuse was coupled with physical violence. 

“From the black eyes to a gun at my head … the knife in my throat, I was kicked, stomped, my uterus was knocked out of alignment,” House said. “The lining of the walls was torn because I was stomped so much. [While] driving, I was hit in the mouth where my tooth was broken. Lips were busted and bleeding. There was a time when he was almost — he tried to push me out of the car as he was going 60, 70 miles an hour.”

A gun in the home made leaving more dangerous.

“The time that he put a gun at my head, he was fighting [me], and I was in the fetal position,” House said. “Then when it was over, I decided that I was done and I’m out of here. That’s what I told him that ‘I’m done, I’ve had enough. I’m out of here.’

“I got up to go into the bedroom for [my] keys or purse. As I turned around, he was coming towards me with a gun in his hand. He put the gun to my face. He pressed it against my face, and he said, ‘You want out? How bad do you want it? I can make that happen right now.’ He was shouting. Of course, I froze. I couldn’t see anything. Tears were running down my face. I just froze until he finally lowered the gun and walked away. I dropped down to the floor.”

At the time, House recalled seeking help from military agencies. 

“They were more concerned about his career,” House said. “I got statements like, ‘What did you do? Or when he gets home, you should just give him a time to unwind before you say anything.’ I had to appease him. It wasn’t about getting help for me. It was about the military and saving his career, and I tried to do that because a lot of times, I didn’t say anything for the first few years because I didn’t want to hurt his career.”

After nine years enduring abuse, House decided to plan a safe escape from the couple’s station in Germany. 

“I started putting money aside. I started making plans, [on] what I was going to do and when I was going to do it,” House said, “then finding the right time to do it. Because when you decide you want to leave, you have got to have a safe escape plan because it’s not going to be that easy. They’re not going to let you just walk out the door. I put a plan together and when I thought it was the right time, that’s what I did eventually.  I had to make sure I had funds. I had a place to go. That’s what I do. … I’m a planner.”

House added: “When I finally left and got away from him, he was in Germany. I moved back to the States. He couldn’t just pop up at my door or follow me home or find out where I lived.”

This month, House is celebrating three years of advocating for others, organizing the Third Annual ‘Behind the Mask Gala: Restoring Hope’ to raise money to help stop abuse.

Ella House said her business keeps her going, and it is her happy place — “what drives me is the fact that no one can take it away from me.”

En Punto: Aaya Casa

Glenda Gonzales, a board member with Aaya Casa, is a local minister, mom of four and herself a survivor of abuse. 

“I was a survivor of domestic violence,” Gonzales said. “I was 17 when it started … I had four kids. It was for 17 years, I stayed in the marriage. I kind of distanced myself from everybody. I didn’t let nobody in. I wore that mask.”

Gonzales hopes to connect with more resources for those who speak Spanish.

“My mom was a victim of domestic violence,” Gonzales said. “My father was a drug abuser. My mom cannot hear in one ear, she had this [part of her finger] replaced. She has scars. I saw her … dragged by her hair. I saw the abuse constantly. In my mind, my situation was not that bad. I didn’t want to leave — didn’t have a reason to leave. It is in the Hispanic community, my community, because I lived it. I know that they don’t think is abuse and they are isolated, especially if they have a language barrier.”

Gonzales added: “They feel afraid that they’re going to be sent back or even be in the street. It’s very important for them to know that there are resources, and there are people here for them.

“You have to do it for them. You want her to have a better life. You want them to understand that a man should not treat you like that. And if you’re a young man, that’s not how to treat a woman. You know, you can’t do that. You can’t abuse a person and you need to control your temper.”

To learn more about Aaya Casa, visit https://aayacasadva.org or call 757-528-2258.