Break the Cycle: Peninsula shelter seeks to stop deadly domestic violence

Posted: Oct 2, 2019 / 05:59 AM EDT

Updated: Sep 3, 2020 / 09:59 AM EDT

NEWPORT NEWS, Va. (WAVY) — A local domestic violence shelter partnered with Newport News Police after a rise in deadly domestic violence.

The Transitions Family Violence Services shelter serves Newport News, Hampton, York County and Poquoson with a 24-hour hotline (757-723-7774), temporary housing, housing assistance, kids therapy, support groups, and survivors counseling.

Every week for the month of October — which is also Domestic Violence Awareness month — the Transitions organization will host a Facebook Live series with the department.

“We’re having a conversation about the culture of silence,” said Sanu Dieng, the Transitions Executive Director.

The key is talking about the many forms of violence.

“When it comes to domestic violence, our goal is to educate the community, change the culture of silence, and empower individuals to reach out for help,” Police Chief Steve Drew said in a statement. “Together, we can improve lives and keep people safe.”

The shelter is also set to launch the #757healthyrelationship campaign. The goal of the campaign is to promote peace, love and unity through social media.

“I want survivors to know you are not alone. I want survivors to know that we understand. We are here for you,” Dieng said.

Domestic violence impacts us all, regardless of age, race, class or sex.

“We all need to find our purpose and how we can get involved and making sure that everyone in our community has access to a healthy relationship,” Dieng said.

It’s in religious communities where Jondahlyn Holston says she is a survivor.

“I attended every church service,” Holston explained. “I held true to the scriptures that ‘love covers a multitude of all evils’ (or) ‘God forgives’. Those are my mantras that I lived by, while I lived literally in hell. I was suicidal but of course, I can’t commit suicide because that’s a sin. I was imploding by the pain of the abuse. Physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse on all levels.”

Holston said she was isolated from her family until she had enough.

“The day that I broke free, I literally left running with my son, who was a baby at the time.” she said. “It was like a split second decision. That if I don’t go now. I’m going to die in this.”

Christine Bethea is also a survivor of domestic violence at the hands of her military spouse.

“I was young when I married him. I did not even know what domestic violence was. So when stuff was happening to me I had no idea. I thought it was normal,” Bethea said.

“It started with the yelling and the demeaning,” Bethea said. “You stupid fill in the blank.’ ‘You’re worthless.’ ‘I don’t even know why I waste my time on you.’ As the years progressed, it got worse. As we had children, I got worse.”

“He would start pressure pointing me because he was in the military. It causes excruciating pain,” said Bethea. “The last incident was he grabbed me by hair and carried me. Pulling me up stairs by my hair then threw me on the floor. Again covered my mouth and nose but this time he went straight for my throat. That’s when I said, ‘I can’t anymore because my kids saw it.”

Bethea credits her daughter, who was 9 years-old at the time, for saving her by telling her she was also being abused. Her daughter then asked for help from family and received counseling from Transitions.

Both women are strong reminders that you do not have to suffer with physical or emotional abuse. Now they pay it forward by helping others at Transitions.

“Don’t be afraid there is hope, there is help. There is transitions. There is just so much that you can do. Rather than staying in the cycle of staying in,” Bethea said.

Oct. 7: The “Remember my Name” candle light vigil at City Center at Oyster Point in Newport News at 6:30 p.m.
Oct. 19: The Walk against gun and domestic violence. The march starts at Warwick High School at 3p.m. and ends at Riverside Hospital.

For Domestic Violence Awareness month, Kiahnna Patterson will join WAVY News 10 Today every Wednesday morning to start the conversation and share programs around Hampton Roads to help break the silence.

Here are some local and national resources for victims in need of help.

YWCA South Hampton Roads in Norfolk